Choosing Authenticity

I am a person that sets certain goals and schedules for myself that I work then to keep. For example, this summer break I get up every morning (even on weekends) at 6 a.m. so I can run, and begin my day. Sometimes, self discipline though can work against you if you are not aware or listening to your body and spirit. Notice I left the mind out, because the mind can be a trickster…and especially in the area of doing things that benefit yourself, the mind many times will set up booby traps to keep you from doing what is best and healthy. Every day before I run, my mind will begin its laundry list of why I should just go back to bed. There are even days before I step on my beloved Yoga mat that the mind will start shouting obscenities at me about making it have to settle and relax. That’s when my heart puts in ear plugs and keeps with the program—it’s getting good at calling its bluff!

But then there are days like today when I just don’t feel like running. I just don’t feel like going to Yoga class. I long deeply to sleep an extra couple of hours in bed, and then maybe another hour just laying there with my delicious book I’ve been reading. I feel like skipping around through the blogosphere and leaving long winded comments. I feel like a strawberry-peach-coconut yogurt smoothie kind of afternoon—drinking straight from the blender bowl with a straw—in bed in my undies! I feel purely, tremendously, and beautifully lazy.

How do I know that I’m feeling this and that it’s NOT my mind trying to trick me you ask?

Because my mind is telling me to push-push-push myself…to get out there and start running–who cares that you are yawning profusely and feeling stiff and sluggish—move Connie, get your ass in motion chica. You’re not going to get stronger if you stay in bed–you’ll be a loser. You’re not really a dedicated Yogini if you don’t go to class. You are going to feel worse Connie if you take the day off…it’s going to be much harder tomorrow. You need to be super active everyday. You are such a loser if you go back to bed. You are going to waste your whole day if you do this. Don’t do it Connie. Don’t do it. Don’t listen to yourself. Don’t be a loser. Listen to me–your mind. I know what’s right for you.

SHUT UP!!!

The mind, if we let it, is our biggest bully, our worst enemy and our greatest fan of failure. Maybe to some, the above mind script may seem that my mind is rooting for me and my fitness plan–my dedication to Yoga. That all that “loser” stuff is just to intimidate me into challenging myself–pushing myself to be the best Connie chica I can be. My mind is on boot camp mode.

I disagree. I know what I feel and I know what I think. And–if there is a discretion between the two usually the mind is the false god we should steer away from.

Sometimes being our authentic self means we permit ourselves to not be 100% of the person our mind wants us to be all the time. That’s because we are all living this beautiful and sometimes challenging thing called LIFE. Life throws us stuff that interrupts our plans sometimes. Our bodies need periods of rest. Our spirits need large moments of laziness. We need to give our minds a good kick in the brain ass sometimes!

The key is to figure out what you are FEELING between what you are THINKING and then follow the instructions of your heart.