I keep having these grand moments where I am learning something new about myself . Or more like incredible moments where I fully realize–accept–completely embrace these aspects..little facets of my being that I’ve been either neglecting or ignoring altogether. They’re little sparkles usually–not big huge whoppers. But they’re adding up, like pennies in an empty peanut-butter jar. They’re transforming me– not into a better me–but a more honest, truthful, authentic me. When I say honest and truthful–I don’t mean in the manner of speaking–but in the manner of truly being.
I think alot of us, myself included, tend to think back to our childhood, and feel that our truth–our “authentic” self was so present and alive when we were young. Somehow, through the years, we’ve lost touch–life created layers of stuff for us to wade through–we became disconnected, disheartened, disinterested, or disgusted with ourselves for the choices we made. So we look back to when we were young and pick and choose the aspects of our kiddo self that would best make up our authentic self now.
I am not that Connie I was when I was five, ten, fifteen, twenty-five, thirty. Sure, there are things I have in common with that little girl…such as painting, loving nature, procrastination, and determination…but my authentic self is not found in memories and trapped in the crevices of yesterday.
My authentic self is always evolving, and that is why I am always surprised and delighted to learn something new.
Today I will sit on a plane headed for San Francisco. Tonight I will begin to paint my Wild Heart out at Chris Zydel’s Creative Juices Arts Studio. Walking into this experience is a part of expressing my truth. This is an intention I had for the new year. This experience is a little chisel in sculpting the authentic self of who I am today…and preparing me for the truth of who I will be tomorrow.
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