Belly LOVE: Alone
Published on June 15, 2010
photo by my beloved Hansel
I LOVE this photo Hansel took of me. I had no idea even that he shot it. We went for a walk in a park in Prescott, and he was busy snappin’ away as I went and sat down on a bench just to think and wait for him to finish. When I saw this photo, I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Like he captured a real deep moment for me in a magical way. There is something about that long trail and me sitting there alone that speaks to me in novels.
I don’t know how else to say this, but I feel a bit alone. And this feeling occupies the center of my Belly. Sometimes it eats away at it in worry. Other times it spins like a wheel of fire inside fueling my passion and desires. Sometimes it’s just a lump that I don’t know what to do with. But all of this emotion sits at the center of my Belly calling the shots lately. Because honestly, I don’t know what else to listen to.
Months ago, in a big swoosh, everything aligned up in the stars–and all the cells in my body responded. I knew I had to make a change, and that I needed to step forward into something unknown. So I did. I felt it in my gut–so I listened, and proceeded. My intentions were to create a LIFE not a living.
Now, I have this opportunity to do so. To make changes. To be brave. To keep that wheel of fire ignited and spinning in the center of my being. But there are these great moments where I feel so alone. Like I’m out there blazing along on unmarked territory–the things that once seemed familiar to me no longer do. I want someone to talk to..but I fail to find the words to fully express. I want a place I can escape to and get my bearings all over again. But I realized that this is only a wasted sentiment.
You see, this voyage started years ago…it’s just now I can no longer see the shore. I’m learning that I have to let go of some things, some habits, some friends, and some fears. Let them sink away from me. I have to experience this aloneness—for the change I’m really needing, really craving from my Belly, will ever be explored.
This past week, I learned in a major, major way—our bellies are more then just flesh and a large set of organs….they are our compass on this great big road of Life. Something to be reverend and deeply respected. Something meant to listen to for some great advice.