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What I Want

The truth is, I’m getting a little bored with how I paint and create. I feel like I’ve hit a plateau and I need to expand. I need to push in a new direction–feel vulnerable and even a little lost.
So at night, when I should be “relaxing”–I’ve been experimenting with my charcoals and sketching intuitively.
I like how this work has a darker feel to it….and in this piece…I was thinking about shadows. I purposely tried to draw a more abstract shadow figure behind the main figure–a play on shadows.

Then what I’ve been doing is photographing my sketches and uploading them into my photo edit. I like to push and play with the exposure, contrast, color, and effects.
This is so different from how I normally work……but I can’t help but feel curious–and the need to move in the direction of my curiosity.

You want to know what else is the truth? All of this makes me nervous. My fear gremlin starts to show up and whisper in my ear. He likes to taunt me with silly comments like:
People are going to think you’re depressed/weird/dark/strange.
People are not going to like it.
Don’t go switching on us, that’s not good.

But funny thing, when I was starting to buy into my fear gremlin’s jargon I heard Madonna come on the television in the other room. Now there’s an Artist that does what she wants–changes her style/look/husbands/music each time she is back on the scene. She is FEARLESS, and I realized that all the Artists I admire have the same FEARLESSness to change–to grow–to experiment–to EXPAND deeper into one’s creative expression.
So take that fear gremlin….leave me to my charcoals and my dark and moody sketches! I’m gonna do what I want.
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