Yoga L♡VE :: My Practice-My Own
Published on September 4, 2010
For the most part, I feel comfortable being an open book here on Dirty Footprints Studio–I reveal quite a bit about myself–how I’m feeling–what I’m thinking–even in times when I’m scared to death to hit the “publish” button and move on.
Though lately my life has been a bit bumpy. A bit challenging. A bit sad. There are things happening in my personal life that I care to keep private, for they involve people and hearts very close to me that do not make the choice to be an open book on a public blog as such.
And to drive things even deeper, my mind–my silly, silly mind–sometimes struggles with even revealing how weak and vulnerable I have been feeling…in fear that this will someway be a bad reflection on Dirty Footprints Studio as a business.
I’m letting go of all of this. I am who I am. I feel what I feel. Dirty Footprints Studio is more then just this.
Today I woke up feeling miserable and still slipped on my ash colored Yoga pants. I walked my dear dog Nyla around the block feeling sorry for myself and had a quick smoothie half fast for breakfast. I barely got my Yoga mat and my juicy butt into the car and honestly–some how I began to drive to a 9am Yoga class. Half way there I decided I would skip class and treat myself to something sweet with the word latte in it’s name–and open my journal and pour all my yucky yuck into written words and long run-on sentences. I decided I would go and have a personal pity party with my neon pink gel pen instead of rolling out my mat.
But I couldn’t. I wanted to…but I couldn’t.
Instead I forced myself to go. I forced myself to drive past the coffee shop and pull into the Yoga studio parking lot. I forced myself to smile and be pleasant to the other dedicated Yogis I encountered there this early Saturday morning…and I even forced myself to answer the polite question of “how are you” with a smiley, bubbly “great”! But once I rolled my mat out on that beautiful bamboo floor–I didn’t need to force anything anymore–I was home.
I felt safe.
I felt soft.
I felt relaxed and easy and I think I even felt happy.
Today I honestly understood what it means to have a practice. To show up when you don’t want to. To be present when you rather hide. To be aware of the happiness that does exist–and to allow yourself to relax into it.
Today I realized that there are great gifts laced in discipline and happiness is a place we can always come back to again and again–no matter how far we let ourselves stray.