What I Was Thinking….
Published on November 12, 2010
I used to be like you.
I used to hate my job–and as I drove to work in the morning, I would imagine that I was actually going to a coffee shop to work on my laptop–or heading out somewhere in the desert to paint.
I would practice this every single day–because it’s what would put me in such a great mood–that when I got to work, and things started to feel a tad crunchy, I would dip into my daydreams all over again.
Then one day, I had to make a choice.
All my body–all my soul was leaning in on me.
I knew I had to be brave. But I was scared. So scared that I lost sleep. So scared that I stopped eating.
But I ended up letting the fear define my actions–instead of shackle me to it’s agenda.
I contemplated what’s the worst that could happen?
And decided staying in a job that didn’t fuel my spirit was the worst that could be.
So I got out of bed.
Put one foot in front of the other.
I took a deep breath and wrote a letter of resignation.
I talked to people and had to convince them. All the while I was trying to convince myself that I knew what I was doing.
But I didn’t.
And guess what?
I still don’t.
I still wake up and put one foot in front of the other.
I still take a deep breath and resign myself from certain habits and ways of thinking that are so deeply embed in my being–that letting go feels like an amputation.
I still feel scared and sometimes envision myself doing something else–building a new and exciting dream.
I still am you, you see.
We are no different. We are on the same path actually.
I’m just here to remind you–to breathe, believe, and step forward.
Everything, I promise, is going to be alright.
Actually it’s going to be amazing.
(photo by my beloved Hansel)