The Thing I Know For Sure

During December I made a conscious decision to limit my technology and go inward. I began a daily morning meditation practice, stopped eating dairy, and welcomed my yoga discipline back like an old lost friend. Instead of sitting wasting hours on Facebook or Twitter I found myself devouring books and Yoga magazines. I talked to friends. I met strangers and had life changing conversations. I painted just for me. I ate dark greens every day and started putting kale in my smoothies. I walked a labyrinth and took long mineral baths. I put beads in my hair and wrapped it up some days like a fortune teller gypsy. I danced madly in my living room to Krishna Das.

I freaking lived my life the way I want. I felt refreshed–rejuvenated–I felt so full of LOVE that the feeling was absolutely amazing.

Then one night Hansel and I watched THIS documentary on PBS about Buddhism and my heart cracked open and emotion and feeling started to flow through me.

Something about all of this. Something about all the magic that constantly surrounds my life has got me confused.

Confused–can you believe it?!?

Or maybe I’m not really confused, just not ready to accept what is truly sitting in front of me. It’s still all scary—giving in –surrendering to the unknown of my own heart.

My word for 2011 is alchemy. Even though I firmly believe that word found me, truth is, I still picked it purposely. One would think I put all that change behind me–with so much that happened during 2010. But I’m starting to realize that this is only the beginning. So much change is on the way–and sometimes I just want to scream “ENOUGH ALREADY”…can’t a girl just be.

What December taught me is that my life is meant to be lived in real time and space. My heart is not in Facebook or Twitter. I’ve find myself moving more and more from the trap of social networking. And it gets me nervous since my livelihood right now depends on being an internet business.

And that’s the thing….I don’t want a business.

There I said it.

Well, not in the way the paradigm of business has been set up through the ages. I want something different–and I get uneasy at times because I find nothing to go by. I’m even done with all the Danielle Laporte’s and those preachers of business authenticity–even they are starting to feel like they’re just trying to sell me something.

I want the sacred.

That’s what I know for sure.

I want every second of my life to count and I want the work I do with my time and energy to be an invitation to others who feel the same way. I want to co-create and co-exist. I want sustainability–not just for me–but for those I come in contact with–and with each of those people they come in contact with. I want to honor my home, the earth.

I want the sacred to be my life’s journey.

And from here on out, this is my practice.

Dirty Footprints Studio has made a detour,

a shift is in motion–

for me, for you,

for all that believe life is not a bargain–

that our hearts our non-negotiable–

that love is the only answer–

that everything really, truly matters

that compassion is an action as much as an emotion.

That we are sacred beings.