When You Have That Gobbly Gook Feeling Inside You
Published on June 29, 2011
For years I kept feeling like I had something inside me that was “ready to come out”. Ready to be released to the world. Ready to feel “right”–to be that next brave step that would signify my “authenticity” in my life.
For years I felt this way–and I always thought it had something to do with my work and what I put out in the world.
And so, I would be in jobs that initially I totally loved and then that feeling would creep up again. Something would start to bubble to the surface and get stuck right about throat height and I would begin to panic. Instantly the job I had no longer “felt right”–it wasn’t me anymore. The life I was living no longer “felt right”. Sometimes even my body didn’t “feel right” as well. It was always “there was something else” inside me that needed to come out.
Needed…as in desperately.
So I’d fixate myself on this feeling, and let’s face it–translate those feelings I had into meaning that everything else was wrong in my life–because if I wasn’t fully expressing whatever it was inside me to be expressed (even though I had no clue what that was)…well, than I wasn’t living authentically.
I mean, isn’t that what all the hype is about anyways? Really, aren’t there like a gazillion blogs about living “authentically”?
But you know what I found out about “living authentically”?
It’s all hogwash. Total, stinky, murky hogwash.
It’s impossible NOT to live an authentic life.
C’mon, you are always living an authentic life. Even if by day you are an accountant (who dreams of being an Iron Chef) and at noon you rob banks and snatch purses from cute little old ladies than in the evening volunteer at the animal shelter–you’d still be living an authentic life.
And better yet–even when you have that lump in your throat and tidal waves churning in your belly because a feeling is telling you that something doesn’t “feel right” in your life anymore…you’re still rocking out the authenticity in your life. You are still fully being 100% beautiful prime rate you.
It’s impossible NOT to be.
But here’s the real bazooka of a thing I just learned..just figured out….
You know that feeling that there is something inside you that just needs to come out but you don’t know what it is?
Well, you’re not suppose.
Well, not just yet.
Ideas–thoughts–paintings–poems–rocking workshops—novels–amazing guitar licks–knitted pink socks–all that good creative stuff are like babies. They have a period where they tumble and stir inside us. They grow limbs, organs, and all the other guts needed to flourish in the world and they do it without any instruction from us at all. That’s just how it works.
There has to be this period of mystery.
But even more than that…a period of deep trust.
Trust that Creative Source has got things covered. Trust that all you need to do is keep listening to the cues and start nesting.
Even though you have no idea what all the gobbly gook happening inside you is–fixating yourself on it will do no good in the long run. Instead–send it love, just like a pregnant mother would do to her fetus. And begin to build a nursery for what is to come in your life–even if you’re unsure if it’s going to be a “girl” or a “boy” or a “novel” or a “great idea for a new career”.
Let the Creative awesomeness inside you do it’s thing. Let it cook like curried lentils.
Maybe even start to get excited for it’s arrival.
But don’t panic..don’t start to use those beautiful feelings of gestation to begin to poke holes in everything else in your life.
It’s all part of the process of giving birth to our creativity–and not finding our authentic life–but rather renewing our authentic creative life.