This Is Where I Want To Live

In December I took a Soul Hiatus where I basically backed off from the internet, slowed down my work pace, and retreated as much as possible into a space of stillness and reflection.  It is something I have focused on intentionally the last few Decembers, and a tradition I plan to keep.

But the truth is, before my Soul Hiatus I hit a major block.

Total resistance that showed up as self doubt, over thinking things, and even (I hate to say it) jealousy.

That’s when I knew something was wrong.  That I needed to step away from my usual routine and way of doing things and begin to explore what the real source of my resistance was.

I believe with all my heart that we humans are meant to live in total alignment with our Creative Source. That those passionate, devoted, energizing feelings that we possess are truly our guides in this life.  That when more draining feelings and behaviors begin to appear it is a sign that we are slipping out of alignment with our truth.

But like any other human, I can at times find it much easier to place blame on other things than to take responsibility myself that I need to change something for these negative feelings and behaviors to dissipate.

I can logically create reasons why I am feeling the way I am–and support those feelings tooth and nail with creditable evidence.  I can even recruit a whole slew of supporters if necessary, but it does no real use.

No real good to the purpose of why I am blessed with this beautiful life in the first place.

What I realized in my Soul Hiatus is a few things.  One, for me, the internet is a bit too much.  Too much information.  Too much visual stimulation.  Even too much inspiration.

Just too much.

All of this too much began to turn into noise for me.  Loud, blaring noise.  Like an orchestra of leaf blowers always outside my window.

And so when I limited my internet–and basically my computer intake as well, at first I was nervous.  Afraid I was going to miss something important or lose connection to some type of source that provides for me.

Yeah, silly stuff like that.

But as the days and weeks of December went by, I started to feel like myself again.  I was no longer worried about what other Artists were out there creating and doing–I no longer was comparing and contrasting and creating a whole handbook of what I needed to improve about myself.

Instead I started to hear my Creative Source more clearly again.

That feeling of being in total alignment came rushing right back.

I realized full heartedly that this is where I want to live–in this space of total alignment.

This is where I want to nurture my family, build my business, create my Art, and support my students.

This is where I want to make decisions, plan projects, and enjoy the company of others who I share this intention with.

This is where I want to live.

I finally admitted to myself that I found my way home.