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Belly LOVE: I Made Up With Me

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Whatever you were doing with your body before you came to the mat is in the past.

You are in the right place at the right time, and the sky is the limit.

~ Rolf Gates

Belly LOVE is a day early this week!!! I just couldn’t wait till Tuesday to share some Belly LOVEisciousness with you!

So, I began the whole Belly LOVE thing to keep myself accountable. To record my physical journey–the ups, the downs, the good and the bad. And, well, I feel like I’ve been dishonest for the last few months. Not only to you my beloved friends and readers, but most especially to myself.

I spent this entire weekend, in all truth, forgiving myself–pampering myself—and deciding to move on!

Ever since school let out at the end of May I have thrown myself full body, mind, and soul into Dirty Footprints Studio–including my online workshops, my side projects, and especially my painting. I have gotten up early–and gone to bed late. I have slacked on meals, become lenient on my exercise regiment, and think of sleep as an afterthought to my day. And the saddest thing–the thing I have the most difficult with–is I have terribly, horribly, embarrassingly neglected my sacred, dear, life sustaining Yoga practice.

The result of my focus and narrow mindedness is a life out of balance and a body out of whack.

Here’s the interesting thing, I woke up this past Thursday and just knew deep down–it was time. I needed to go back to Yoga–and go back in a committed, self aware, reverent way. So I went to an Intro To Yoga class at my Yoga studio.

Wow, it changed everything for me. Starting from the beginning made me realize how much I have “thought” I knew what I was doing–just because I’ve had years of experience in doing it.

Not so.

I loved how the teacher broke things down–and I got to honestly experience the poses again like a beginner–not just flowing from one to the other.

It was interesting, yes. But it was heart opening even more.

I could feel the months of neglect begin to bubble up and clog my joints…I felt the months of abuse start to spasm in my back–all this stress and over use began to break up and bounce around my body. I honestly felt like crap.

Here I am–a Yogini for years and years–and I was struggling holding my arm up in triangle. My legs were shakey–my alignment was all off and sloppy–my mind was scattered like a game of pinball–but my heart was singing a loud song that vibrated energy throughout me. Through all the junky junk I was radiating ME.

Underneath all these layers of desire to share and give and create and manifest and ignite—is me.

Soft,

subtle,

quiet,

still,

seamless,

strong,

steady,

wise

ME.

And I don’t have to do anything to be this. I don’t have to do anything to develop, strengthen, build or sharpen me. I am me–will always be me–and I am more me–when I surrender myself to me. When I honor the divinity that exists inside me.

I realize that Yoga doesn’t make me. Yoga only makes it easier for me to stay connected to me.

And somehow, through recently beginning to live my dream, I have let myself get further from me.

Though, I know now how painful, confusing, and unsettling it is to stay disconnected from me…so I spent this weekend trying to make up with myself. I stayed away from the computer–I ate delicious whole foods–went to Yoga class–saw Eat Pray Love–and spent time reading and journaling at a coffee shop. I swooned myself into forgiveness.

We made up.

And I decided that I want to make this relationship work. I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t want to neglect me again. I want to go back to the way things used to be–but better.

And, I believe I can.

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