FEARLESS We Paint: Guest Post By Michelle of The Creative Healing Studio
Published on December 14, 2010
When I was a kid I loved art. You could always find me with pen, paper, crayons, or colored pencils. Some of my favorite gifts were books on Van Gogh, instructional drawing books, or art supplies. It was one thing that made me truly happy no matter what was going on around me.
In high school my greatest classes were my art classes. I took just about everyone they offered on jewelry making, sculpture, cartooning, painting, and paper making. I joined the art club and the art staff where we painted murals around the school, painted windows for the holidays and decorated for the school dances and parties. Those classes were the happiest of my life.
There was something I began to notice however. There were one or two kids in the school who were exceptional artists. Everything came so easy for them. They won all the contests and their art was displayed all over the school. I admired these students. I wished I could be as good as they were. In my mind they were the ones who would be able to continue with art past high school, into college,. They would be able to make a career out of it. Someone like me didn’t have a chance so I decided to give up the idea of being an artist.
Fast forward 23 years. I am a mother of 5 beautiful boys, I have a loving husband, I live in a wonderful home. I’ve become a Holistic Health Coach and an Emotional Release Practitioner. Things are good. I am sitting at a networking event and I am introduced to this woman who tells me she is an artist. Before I know it the words, “That’s what I should have done,” pour out of my mouth.
That one sentence hit me like a ton of bricks. It came out of nowhere. It was like time stood still for a moment and I was able to see very clearly that there was something missing in my life. That night I went home and started searching the web for art. I wanted to connect with the beauty and the excitement I used to feel so many years ago.
That’s when I found Dirty Footprint Studios. I was blown away with her honesty, her depth and her art. I started browsing her website and I saw this course in Fearless Painting. The name alone conjured up excitement and intrigue. I knew this was something I could do, something that could get me back in the flow with my creativity. I had no idea that it would be so much more.
I would say the biggest thing I learned through fearless painting is this; “The way I paint is the way I do everything.” I know that sounds so simple but let me explain.
You see when I found myself standing in front of that paper, frozen with the fear of “doing it right” I suddenly realized all the times in my life that I shut down for fear of not being good enough.
When I bought the cheapest paint I could find and found myself scraping it on the paper to try to save money my true feelings about abundance were brought to the surface. Did I deserve to spend money on myself?
When something dark or ugly surfaced in my painting and I wanted to hide it away so no one would see it, I connected to all the times I put on a strong face to hide the truth beneath the surface because surely if anyone knew the truth of who I was they would be horrified.
When an assignment seemed difficult and I just “knew” I wouldn’t be able to do it, I watched as I shut down and quit before I ever gave myself a chance to succeed. Better to not try than to try and fail you know. Ah, how many times has this pattern played itself out in my life?
Yes, this fearless painting brought all of these things to the surface and while you might think it sounds negative or bad, the reality is that it was powerful. You see you can’t fix what you don’t know is broken and the simple act of noticing these things and painting through them seemed to shift the energy and leave me feeling empowered and alive.
Fearless painting is like a big mirror where I was able to get a glimpse of the real person standing on the other side. I was introduced the beauty, the vulnerability, the ugliness, the fear, the love, the joy, the wounded child, and the powerful, kick ass warrior. It has put me in touch with all of these sacred parts and allowed me to celebrate being this deep and intricate being.
By putting paintbrush to paper I was able to connect with my inner voice, to burn through old wounds, and to express my emotions in a safe way. It’s taught me to trust myself and to trust the Universe and it’s allowed me the joy and freedom to express my creativity.
It’s flipped a switch in me. I am no longer the same person I was. I feel like the old Michelle; the artist of my youth. I feel as if I have a purpose and that I am on the right path. I’ve let go of the idea that I have to be perfect or “good enough.” I now know I only have to be.
So where do I go from here? I’m not sure. I am confident that the right path will continue to show itself as I continue to connect with my creative inner voice. I know without a doubt that I will continue this creative expression throughout my life. It’s a part of me that was lost for years and has now been found and I don’t plan on letting it go. That would be crazy! ;o)
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