Somewhere Out In Northern Arizona
Published on May 9, 2011
Somewhere out in Northern Arizona Hansel and I stopped to get gas.
This is how it always goes.
This is how we go on vacation, I swear.
A trip to the gas station ends up being a two hour jaunt as something catches our eye and off we go—wandering down the paths not listed anywhere in the tour guides.
Simply trusting curiosity will be a reliable compass and knowing in our hearts that time is always on our side.
So somewhere out in Northern Arizona I shot these photos with my Big Girl Camera.
Somewhere out in Northern Arizona Hansel and I felt like we discovered a private pocket of beauty that maybe is really only pleasing to our eyes.
And somewhere in Northern Arizona we were on vacation and moving with the natural rhythm of our life.
But what these photos fail to tell you is the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind lately. Thoughts, that for no reason at all but to bully my heart, have been swarming the landscape of my mind like gnats around a summer watermelon.
Thoughts that I finally let go of–let drift to the bottom of the Grand Canyon like a feather from a raven– on my beautiful vacation last week.
The fact of the matter is I’m an internet business (even though that still sounds funny to me to say it!). Dirty Footprints Studio is my livelihood. And a year ago I made this decision for it to be so–and it has been one long process and learning experience ever since. The thing is–I chose this decision because I believed it would be in total alignment with who I really am—that I could do more good in the world–help more creative souls–if I poured my energy into Dirty Footprints Studio completely instead of fractioning it with a job.
To boil it down–I believed with all my heart that I could live a life where I could be completely totally me and get paid for it.
And for a year now, I have proven my beliefs true.
But just like everyone else, if I’m not careful, I can get sucked into thinking that I’m not good enough–that what I do is not enough–that Dirty Footprints Studio could be so much more. Just like everyone else, if I’m not careful, I can start to let all that sharky marketing out there on the web influence my own beliefs on WHO I REALLY AM–and what I WANT TO CREATE in this world.
And I’ll admit it. That’s what happened recently. I started to think that maybe..just maybe I should make more money, have more free time, possess more freedom,that I should be more popular-more shiny,that maybe I should even learn how to be more of just being me–because I started to let myself get taken over by what others out there on the interwebs are preaching in their very subtle and savvy ways.
But being the smart cookie that I am–I realized something really HUGE somewhere out there in Northern Arizona. I realized that honestly, I have no desire to become super duper rich. Don’t get me wrong–I have nothing against making money–and I certainly want enough to do the the things I love and to live quite comfortably. But I don’t do the things I do with money symbols laced around each intention.
My passion and heart’s interest is not in gaining more followers or growing my business into some huge enterprise or empire. I’m not hungry for everyone to know my name or spread my message like wildfire.
My heart’s greatest desire is just to live a life that feels good and where the work I do in this life helps empower others to do the same.
I desire a life where I can actually experience life–not just push through it all the time.
My “big fat plan” for Dirty Footprints Studio is that it evolves into something sustainable with spirit and life that unfolds and transforms with time–with me.
That was my intention going into this new life a year ago…and damn it–that’s what I wish it to still be—no matter what all those skarky marketers out there are saying is the wrong or right way to be doing things.
Out there somewhere in Northern Arizona it occurred to me that I’m the happiest I can ever be when I’m letting life unfold naturally and surprisingly.
Actually, my favorite parts of our Grand Canyon vacation never happened at the Grand Canyon–they were the little places we found, the off the wall people we met–the little pockets of beauty that appeared just for us.
They were small little moments–compact little experiences–they were intimate and cozy conversations–they were one big huge mirror for me to see that I have no desire to be bigger than this creative juicy life of mine at anything.
If I let myself get caught up in believing that bigger is better–like all the cool kids on the block have been chirping—I begin to lose touch with the essence-the truth–the beauty that makes me me. I start to push and push and push against myself instead of letting myself unfold and new truths be discovered again and again naturally.
The truth is, I might look at the Grand Canyon and think wow what an amazing sight…but my heart, my happiness comes when I step closer and touch the resin dripping from the pine trees, watch the chipmunks scurry up the side of the cliff effortlessly, and when I let the canyon wind tangle itself around my body.
Somewhere in Northern Arizona I renewed my vow to create a business that supports an authentic life…instead of creating an “authentic business” that supports the life I wish to lead.
I write this little diddy mostly for me–to get clear on what it is I’ve been feeling. But I also write it for all of you creative souls that felt the way I did a year ago…who are on your path to being self employed or in the process of stepping more fully into your true self power. I write this for you to let you know not to believe everything out there you see or read. (Including what I share here as well.)
There are lots of sharks in the internet pool that know you are hungry for a certain type of freedom. And let me tell you–I got to the place I am now by listening to the wisdom of my own heart–by choosing my mentors wisely–and by not following someone else’s advice blindly.
The real question is not how big, rich, shiny, or popular we can become…seriously that’s the easy part.
The real question is how do we wish to spend this one creative juicy life we have on a more deeper plain of existence? What is the truth of how we are truly meant to lead it? And to some of us it may mean going against the grain of the so-called definition of “success” and to others possibly filling it to the T.
For me, I got a little clearer on where I’m going, who I am, and what I want my beloved Dirty Footprints Studio to really be–while I was somewhere out there in Northern Arizona last week.