Published on July 3, 2012
Saturday morning I showered, got Phoenix fed-dressed-and handed over to Hansel, grabbed my yoga mat, locked the door, got in the car, and drove.
Just like that.
The first time in nine weeks I was on my own–away from my little sweet pea.
The first time in months I was on my way to my beloved yoga studio again.
My body has been craving asana. Like deep down in my marrow.
And every time I thought I had an opportunity to practice, I’d roll out the mat, move into child’s pose–and fall asleep.
Guess the body knows what it needs–more than we think.
And this Saturday, my body spoke to me in ways I’ve never experienced before. The poses didn’t feel fluid and natural like I’m used to. Like I remember.
Downward facing dog? How the hell do you do that my hamstrings screamed? Runners lunge? Are you kidding?
Eventually, around February, I stopped doing yoga on the mat and my body has paid the price–not to mention throw a difficult labor and hardy postpartum experience into the mix.
But everything is how it’s suppose to be. I’m not going to beat myself up over what I didn’t do–instead I’m going to embrace and appreciate what I can do right now.
And that is be in my body.
A body that feels foreign to me. A body that’s tight and crunchy in some places–and extra fleshy and bulging in other places. Though a body that possesses a new kind of confidence. A new type of strength.
I’m proud of these Mama Curves I have now. Proud and in awe that my body spent the last year creating life. That through my own physicality I brought a beautiful Soul into this world.
And that is what I greeted for my first time back on the mat. A new me. A mother. A strong woman.
It’s this strength–this inner divine–that inspires me to move my body now. Not vanity or ego or what numbers appear on any scale. Not fulfilling my teacher training requirements or some kind of image of what a yogini should do or look like.
I move on the mat now in honor of this beautiful gift I have. This body.This incredible, soft, nurturing, supportive, thriving body.
I move on the mat to pay respect to the great mother herself–Mother Nature. To the sun that touches my skin each day, the earth that rises to kiss the soles of my feet, to the wind that tangles itself around every curve, every crevice, every muscle that I possess.
I move on the mat to pay homage to my family. To the women who have come before me. To the man that supports me and to my son that has opened my heart even wider.
I move on the mat for those that can’t. Who have given up, experience hardships or trouble. Who are weary.
I move on the mat as a prayer of gratitude. That I have this body.
Mama Curves and all.