I Had To Let Go

For years my morning ritual consisted of yoga first thing when I got up.

For years. Seriously. Years.

Then blogging stepped in somewhere and I noticed I was beginning to trade in yoga poses for email, facebook updates, tweets, and getting my first dose of my blog roll in. It happened gradually–but it happened.

Then this past December, during my Soulful Hiatus, I decided I would break the habit.

I would do like my wise friend Jamie Ridler always says: “Begin as you wish to continue.” and start a new ritual. One that would infuse my morning with intention, stillness, and deep connection to my spirituality. One that would begin the way I wish to continue my day–from a place of reverence, peace, and gratitude.

So, I started meditating for 20 minutes each morning. I’d sit cross legged on my meditation blanket and put 20 minutes on my timer on the phone. And well, since I had my phone there-in my hands already—and I was doing so good by starting my morning off with meditation–I allowed myself to simply check my emails on my phone. But only check. No replies–no indulging in them. Just check. Then I’d proceed into meditation.

And the truth is…I started to feel a difference.

I did.

My days were a bit more calmer–I was a bit more stiller. Things were good. But not right.

So I upped my meditation time to 25 minutes, then eventually a half hour.

Still, pretty good. But something still not right.

Finally I was honest with myself. I realized that if I really wanted to be connected to my spirit–my creative source–my truth, then I needed to let go.

Let go of the rat race that the information highway provides 24/7.

Let go that maybe I won’t be in prime time for people to learn about my newest blog post or see what so-&-so is up to today.

Let go that a whole other world that I immersed myself in for years now–will still keep moving and rolling, while I sit here, in stillness, in silence, in peace with my own information highway running top speed in my head.

I had to let go of the distraction and deception of feeling connected to something so much greater than myself–to actually allow myself to lean into a source so much more powerful than downloading speed–so much more larger than the world wide web.

I needed to let go of my need to feel connected to connection.

So I could finally be connected to the highest part of myself.