My Yoga Journey :: Week 9
Published on April 8, 2011
This has been a very powerful week of my Yoga Journey.
I’ve burned through a kaleidoscope of emotions and feelings and I’ve even nursed a nasty cold. We went from hot and sunny weather in the desert–to chilly and grey this week. And through everything–I have granted myself permission to slow down. I have been ok with not getting to my emails as quickly as I think I should. I have been ok with taking long naps that eat most of my day. I have been ok with doing nothing–when I have loads of ideas waiting to be launched and my own personal deadlines lingering above me.
For over a year now I can say that I have poured everything–yes, everything–into Dirty Footprints Studio–both my blog and my business. And the whole reason has always been centered around helping others–sharing with others the gift of intuitive painting.
And all of a sudden I feel I’m in this peculiar place. I feel like I need to step back a bit. I need to go inward. I need to slow down to a snail’s pace.
We hear it all the time–we need to take care of ourselves before we take care of anyone else. That’s even a common trend in blog posts-and self help books. And I know that after I hit publish on this baby I will have dear souls backing me up–yes, yes, take care of you.
But this is not about self care that I’m speaking about. This is not about going to get a pedi on a Sunday afternoon–or making green smoothies for breakfast. This is something different altogether that I’m trying to express. That I’m even trying to understand myself.
I put myself in this peculiar place. I put myself here when I decided to fully commit to this yoga journey for one year. I knew deep in my heart that this meant one year that I would put my spirit first. I would make my yoga practice–which is my spiritual practice my main priority. But instead, for the past few months I have been simply fitting it in with everything else in my life. I have been squeezing it around all my projects and creative endeavors. I have been giving it half my all–because my work seems to be more important.
Though I will never be truly successful at helping others if I don’t commit full heartedly to this journey right now. I will never be truly helpful to others–to this planet–to the greater good if I let my own spiritual practice take a back seat to anything.
I realized this week–for me to give this yoga journey that I have committed to this year my full attention and to pour my deepest love into it–I need to slow down, trust deeper, and examine what things I can honestly do without in my life. I need to figure out how everything else in my life fits in around my practice. Or better yet, I need to let everything else in my life become my practice. Not separate.
And for me to do this–my intuition is telling me to slow down. And this scares me. It scares me–because what if I don’t produce enough–what if I can’t support myself–what if–what if–what if–what if.
But what if I just trust. Trust deeper than I have ever in the past. Trust more than my mind is capable of comprehending. Trust that the same source that makes my heart beat and insects crawl and baby calves be born into this world–is working through me–and trust that if my intuition–my deepest wisdom is whispering to me to slow down…slow down…fall deeply into your practice Connie–that there is a truth there that is more powerful than anything I can will into action–that I can control and make happen.
What if I slow down and learn something.
What if this is the best help I can be to others. As well to myself.