How Things Change

Yesterday Hansel and I toured the birthing center where little Gummi will make his grand entrance in a few months.  It was really a bit overwhelming and emotional for me–which I didn’t expect.  For one thing, hospitals have always been a bit unnerving to me.  I can feel the energy there really strongly–and it is uncomfortable.  But this place that we have chosen, which is a bit out of the way driving wise–it had a feel that was more natural and grounding to me.  Even though it is located in a hospital–it didn’t feel like a hospital.  The hallways were quiet, secluded, and had such a softness to them from just the energy, feel, and the lighting.

But it was these little things–like seeing the baby bassinet or the quick glimpse of a pediatrician picking up a newborn with a teeny tiny butt–and my eyes would all swell up with tears.

Never in my wildest dreams, in my whole life, would I have ever thought or imagined that I would be here.  That I would be wobbling the halls of a birthing center–that bassinets and baby beanies and little overalls would get me all choked up and teary eyed.

And then, later in the evening, Hansel and I had to attend our first of five birthing classes together as well.  Another moment I was in awe that I was even here.

There was about ten couples–all different ages snuggled together on little couches ready to become first time parents.  It was nice to simply be in a room with other pregnant women.

I’ll admit, up until last night, I have been a bit nervous terrified about the whole birthing process.  I’ve read quite a few books on it and talked to many women–but it wasn’t until last night when we watched these great videos with computer generated explanations of how the whole mechanics, anatomy, and process of pregnancy and birth work that I was absolutely blown away.

Of course there were tears again.

But wow. Our birthing teacher is so great–because not only did she explain how all the obvious stuff works during pregnancy and birth–but how their relationship to the other organs in our body play effect in this perfect plan created by Mother Nature to prepare us physically and even emotionally for becoming a mother.

This is what blew me away.  This little bit of information, and being a visual learner–I needed to see it to really soak it in.

Part of me feels like I am becoming a mother.  And the part of me sees there is nothing to become.

I think of all the things I have given birth to in my life.  All the ways I have nurtured others–nurtured myself–nurtured the planet and animals.  I think of all the ways mothering is organically part of who we are as women–if we ever partake in giving birth to children or not.

We as women are so incredibly connected to Creative Source–to Mother Nature–to the Universe–that it is scripted right here in our own DNA.

I walked out of that birthing class last night with a new deeper understanding of who I am–and even deeper appreciation for the beautiful, incredible vessel I have been blessed with.

I no am longer surprised to be where I am right now in my life.  I no longer see this pregnancy and this little life about to change everything for Hansel and I as some great unknown.

I know now.

Everything in my life has prepared me for this.
Everything has been set in place and delivered perfect as Mother Nature planned.
Like a seed falling next to a river and becoming a tree.
There are no surprises or detours–there is just the natural order of everything.

And with that, I align myself again and again.
I trust.
I believe.

I embrace this new journey–I am in love with this beautiful adventure
more and more each day.

I am for the first time in my life–truly grateful.
Truly grateful in the most magnificent way.