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Starting Over Is No Joke

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When I wrote that blog post on Friday–it started something major.  Not only did I receive so many emails and Facebook comments in support and sharing–but it really started something big inside me.  After the initial feeling of relief passed, a new form of vulnerability started to creep in.

I didn’t recognize it at first.

I just thought maybe it’s the after effects of the full moon, or the equinox, of that time of month, or just the stress I’ve been under.  Something.  But I couldn’t quite figure out just what was bothering me.

Than, late last night–after a day of intense crying and letting go again and again to such raw emotions–I realized that my sharing so openly and publicly actually started a blaze of fire inside me.

Not an angry blaze.  Well not entirely.

But a blaze of fire that’s been there burning, burning, burning–but that blog post was like I dropped a whole truckload of gasoline on it!

All of a sudden I began to realize what things in my life are not supporting who I am–right now–and the gifts I truly am here to share–and I could feel how the fire was beginning to eat away at it.

All of a sudden my shame, my negative self talk, even my worry and doubt–started to be taken over by this fire burning deep in my core.

And I don’t know if you have ever experienced such a thing–but it’s frightening.  It’s scary as hell to look at yourself and your life so honestly and see where you have been boxing your own self in–and where you have been keeping yourself trapped and small.

I literally laid on the living room floor and wailed and just let it out.

Lucky for me, I am blessed with an inner circle of trusted friends that rose to meet me where I was at–that talked to me honestly and reflected to me with love what they saw happening.  These women not only listened–but they reached out to help–to lighten the load–to think for me in places I was honestly feeling burned out to think for myself.

And just this simple act of sisterhood alone, helped to bring the fires back into a more manageable, sustainable, nourishing energy inside me.

So I have to share…this morning, like almost every morning, I pulled a couple oracle cards from a couple different decks.  And I wasn’t one bit surprised to see the medicine waiting for me.

FERTILITY & RELEASE.

It truly, truly is time.

Time to let things go.
Time to release.
Time to start a new chapter.
Time to rebuild.

I’m not kidding when I say I’m starting over.
And maybe you shouldn’t kid about it either.

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